Misery loves company. Chances are you've heard that saying. Chances are you've experienced that saying. As a leadership consultant, I see it all the time. It can start as one team member and before long, the entire team is miserable. We can't underestimate the influence of the people around us.
Bravery loves company. But here's the thing. Bravery loves company, too! Last week I had the honor of being the keynote speaker at the Governor's Inter-Agency Committee of State Employed Women (ICSEW) conference and we spent the entire morning exploring about our strengths. How to discover them and how to live them.
As part of the workshop everyone identified their top three goals. Then folks partnered up to coach each other on how to use their strengths to reach their goals. A woman in the audience stood up and shared her goals. She was brave and real and vulnerable. As she shared her goals with over 100 people you could have heard a pin drop. She shared her real goals. She could have taken the easy way out and shared the goals that we've all heard before. But instead she shared her real self with all of us.
What happened next was breathtaking. The support and encouragement and love that came from the audience took my breath away. I didn't realize I was tearing up until I felt the tear on my cheek. It was such a beautiful moment to be a part of.
Yes, misery loves company. But so does bravery. And love. And kindness. And compassion. And honesty. And the kind of courage that allowed a woman to stand in front of a conference and share her heart. Because of her, I walked out feeling braver and I know I wasn't the only one.
Joy isn't something we have to find. We don't have to search for it, or earn it, or wait for it. We just have to feel it when we can, and be kind to ourselves when we can't.
Joy has been on mind and my heart a lot lately. I was asked to present a workshop at the Governor's Distinguished Management Award event and the topic was Joy. I thought about joy. I read about joy. I even wrote a not so good Haiku about joy. By the time the day came (today!), I was ready.
During the workshop I shared three paths I've taken to joy:
1. Pay attention to what has your attention: we talked about the tendency to be so focused on what's wrong that we forget to celebrate what's right.
2. Embrace the pause: we talked about the "oh #$%!" moments when you say something and wish you could pull the words from the air and stuff them back in your mouth. The best way to prevent those moments is to pause - to give yourself a few seconds (minutes! hours! days!) so you don't say or do something you regret.
Then sh*t got real.
3. Sometimes surviving is enough: We talked about what to do when joy feels impossible. If we are blessed to be on this planet long enough, there will be suffering. There will be gut-wrenching, falling to the ground on your knees kind of suffering. There will be moments where even survival seems difficult, let alone feeling joyful.
How can we build workplaces full of trust so that in those moments when joy feels impossible, we are surrounded by people who care about us? How can we build systems and processes that aren't reliant on a single person so that if someone is out, the work carries on seamlessly?
I am fortunate to have had several of those workplaces in my career. And today I got to talk about one of them.
I shared my story of when joy felt impossible, after the loss of our darling baby. I shared how I wasn't sure that I could ever be "me" again and how kind and patient and gracious my boss was to me. I would go on to work for him for another eight years.
That's the power of leadership. While the number one reason people leave their jobs is because of their boss, I can tell you that the number one reason I stayed was because of mine.
Episode 37: How To Build Team Trust
The simple, often overlooked fact is this: work gets done with and through people. There’s nothing more impactful on people, their work, and their performance, than trust. But a lot of us are getting it wrong.
On this episode, Leadership Consultant and author Amy Leneker joins us for a fascinating look at how trust works in the workplace, how it’s changing, and what we can do to build it.
Amy Leneker is an optimistic, joy-seeking, recovering perfectionist. She is a sought-after leadership consultant and coach who is known for her trusted advice and her track record of delivering results.
After spending two decades in the public sector climbing the career ladder to executive positions, Amy began a soul-searching, gut wrenching journey to get clear about what she really wanted to do and more importantly, who did she want to be? In stillness, she found the answers.
Because of her ability to engage and energize audiences, Amy has had the opportunity to appear before hundreds of audiences as a keynote speaker and presenter. She has also designed and delivered training to thousands of leaders and practitioners.
As the first person in her family to go to college, Amy believes in the power of education. She holds a Masters of Public Administration and teaches graduate level courses in leadership development.
My First Podcast is Available?!
As a girl who couldn't stand the sound of her own voice of an answering machine (am the only one who still remembers answering machines?!) the thought of doing a podcast was terrifying. But it was so much fun! So. Much. Fun!
I met Christian Anibarro of Impact Consultancy at Starbucks. After a few awkward moments of trying to drink coffee quietly (clearly I had read too many online articles about what to do and not do during a podcast interview, most notably was to drink coffee quietly) I was able to just enjoy the conversation. Who doesn't want to meet at Starbucks to talk about the connection between trust and leadership?
There were two minutes left in the lunch break. I grabbed my cell phone to turn it off just as it rang in my hand. "School nurse" flashed on my screen and my heart started pounding. I had programmed "school nurse" in my phone for the nurse's direct line so whenever I got a general message from the school I wouldn't have this reaction. The heart pounding, trouble breathing, I-think-I'm-going-to-be-sick feeling.
The nurse explained that my daughter had fallen off the monkey bars at school and was in a lot of pain. I could hear her sobbing in the background which is when I knew she was really hurt. I asked the nurse if I could talk to my daughter. When she was on the phone, I asked her to take a few deep breaths with me. As she started to calm down, I told her to sit tight and that Dad was already on his way to the school (dear apple, thank you for making the iphone so I can be on the phone and texting at the same time!).
I was facilitating a full day training and still had the afternoon to go. Panicking, I called my dear friend, Joe Vansyckle, to ask if he could come cover for me. He couldn't. But he did something better - by asking a few simple questions, he helped me get clear on the next right thing to do. The only thing to do.
When I explained to the leader what had happened, she said, "Go! We will figure out what to do about the training later. Family comes first." And with that, several of the team members ushered me out the door. One helped me pack up my things and another announced to the class that I had to leave for my daughter.
Several x-rays told the story that she fractured her arm and in four weeks, she will be good as new. There's another story here, though. It's a story about a workplace that didn't make me choose between work and family. It's a story about a workplace who even though they had spent months preparing for the training I was there to offer, didn't give it a second thought when I had to leave.
Thank you to Ann Bruner, of the Washington State Department of Licensing's Information Services Division. That moment that may have seemed small to you meant the world to me.
When was the last time you were afraid? As in the you're going to fall flat on your face and look like an idiot kind of afraid? For me, it was about 90 minutes ago. Fear isn't a new emotion for me. Fear has been a lifelong companion - afraid of not being enough, afraid of being too much. Afraid of not knowing who I am, afraid of actually knowing who I am.
So when I woke up this morning and was greeted by fear it wasn't unusual. I've had more mornings than I can count that I wake up with my old pal fear at my side. Being afraid isn't new to me. Doing things even though I'm afraid? Yep, that's new to me.
And that's how I found myself at Starbucks this morning to be interviewed by Chris Anibarro for his podcast, Thought Revolution. After a few minutes talking and laughing with Chris, I forgot all about being afraid. I was having too much fun. Here's to letting fear step aside and letting fun take its place!
Do you consider yourself to be an authentic leader?
"In the last 10 years, authenticity has become the gold standard of leadership," says Bill George in his article, The True Qualities of Authentic Leaders.
Take a step and download my Authentic Leadership Quick Form.
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